Hope is the thing with feathers...

by Emily Dickinson

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chilliest land
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

This was referenced in A Wrinkle in Time, a book series by Madeleine L'Engle (collection of 4 books). Was watching the movie just now and it made me recall the collection of Emily Dickinson's poems which we had to learn in English Lit for SPM, and this was one of the poems.

Some of her other poems that were our SPM list:
A Narrow Fellow in the Grass
Because I Could Not Stop for Death
Success Is Counted Sweetest

Interesting how easily we can remember certain things from so long ago...

I was never good at deciphering hidden meanings between the lines of poems. My Eng. Lit teacher, Mrs Chen, used to drill and drill us to think "What's the poet really trying to say? Think, girls, THINK!" and I'm thinking, "Gah! Why can't she just say exactly wat she really thinks?! My brain's hurting from thinking so much!" Haha... I'm not one for poems. Life is short, time is of essence. Just gimme the facts, straight up. Hehe... guess you won't hear me singing sonnets anytime soon (Is that right? Do ppl sing sonnets? See, I dun even know! Haha!)

Differences

An interesting quote that I'd come across in the book that I'm currently reading, Woman's Best Friend...

Our differences weren't a liability; true attachment didn't mean you had to find someone exactly like you.

I like this quote. I think a lot of us go thru life trying to find someone who are most similar to ourselves in the hopes that there will be minimal amount of adjustments, compromises, and sacrifices that need to be made coz the other person is supposed to be like us and thus, should "understand" where we're coming from.

But more often than not, we fail to realize that it's our differences that help make us better people and spice up our lives by making things more interesting. And these differences might just be complements to each other and make the whole more than equal to the sum of its parts (I think that's wat it's called, no?)

Ah well... just a bit of rambling on a lazy Sunday afternoon, after a heavy lunch, hehe...

*Yaaawwwnnnn*

Goodbye, Shakun

Found out in class today that one of Ramli's dogs, Shakun, had passed away yesterday due to liver infection.

So sad :o(

Bye, Shakun. Hope you're in doggie heaven now.

:o(

I'd taken a pic of her on my phone but I think I deleted it when I was switching phones *WAIL!*

Sigh, animals never live long enough...

:o(

**UPDATE!! I managed to find Shakun's pic in my laptop!!!

...Rest in peace, Shakun...

I Don't Like You

Have you ever met a person of whom you take an instant dislike, even if you don't know the person well enough to make that sort of judgement? But somehow, your gut feeling tells you that you just don't like something about the person? It could be anyone... at the workplace, at a class that you're attending, or even at your regular grocery store...

I've encountered this type of people occasionally throughout my life. There was this girl in my ballet class, a guy at my previous 2 workplaces, and the most recent one at my current workplace.

I can't really pinpoint WAT exactly about them that brings about the feeling of dislike but there was and is something about them that just bugs me. Like I've said, it's a gut feeling. Obviously, I wouldn't publicly display that I dun like them. It wouldn't be fair since they didn't "do" anything to upset/offend me or anything like that. I just try to have as little to do with them as possible.

Hhhhmmm...

How Could You?

By Jim Willis

When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend.

Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?" -- but then you'd relent and roll me over for a belly rub.

My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect.

We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.

Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love.

She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" -- still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy.

Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a prisoner of love."

As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch -- because your touch was now so infrequent -- and I would've defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway.

There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.

Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your only family.

I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers."

You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed, "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life.

You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked "How could you?" They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago.

At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind -- that this was all a bad dream... or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me.

When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room.

She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days.

As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood.

She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago.

She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?"

Perhaps because she understood my dogspeak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself --a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place.

And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her. It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.

********************************************************************************************
A Note to Anyone Who's Thinking of Sending Their Pet to an Animal Shelter
More often than not, due to lack of space at the animal shelter, a lot of animals get put down i.e. euthanized i.e. killed. It's not something that the animal shelter staff like to do, but it's a necessity as it's the only way to cope with the excess number of animals that people surrender. If your pet is average-looking and not young, the likelihood of this happening is higher. So, if you really can't keep your pet, do try very hard to look for a new home/owner for him/her before resorting to the shelter as they're almost always out of space due to the large numbers of homeless animals. And shelters normally put the attractive and young animals (i.e. the ones who stand a good chance of being adopted) up for adoptions.

A Note to Anyone Who's Thinking of Getting a Pet
Do NOT buy your pet from petstores! I'm very anti-petstore in M'sia coz the ones that I see, dunno how to take care of their animals, dun have qualified staff to take care of their animals, and as far as I've observed, are only in the business merely for the profit. Yes, even that HUGE petstore chain. So, please try visiting the SPCA or PAWS if you're interested to get a pet coz (1) you could be saving an animal from being killed, and (2) you'll be reducing the number of homeless animals in our city. Reputable breeders are ok, if you really really want a purebred. But you dun need to get a purebred coz as they say "Love needs no pedigree". The mangy mutt (which would cost you around RM50-100 to adopt) looking at you forlornly thru the wire fence at the shelter could give you as much, if not more, love than an RM6,000+ purebred-something. Plus, you'd be surprised that some ppl do surrender their purebreds to the shelter. So, you'd probably be able find a some purebreds at the shelter as well.

Bah! Queue Cutters

One thing that really annoys me on our roads is how some drivers have no sense of queueing up at all.

I use the Jln Tun Razak-Jln Parlimen route back home from work every workday. I'm sure everyone knows of the infamous traffic jam at the flyover above Bulatan Pahang, where 4 lanes merge into 2 lanes after the Pekeliling flats.

Anyway, normally, after this bottleneck, the traffic would be clear. But recently, I've noticed that even after this stretch, it's jammed ALL the way to the turn-off from Jln Tun Razak/Parlimen heading towards Jln Duta/Semantan.

And the reason for this??? These stupid morons of drivers who couldn't be bothered to queue on the left lane to turn off to Jln Duta/Semantan, MUST drive all the way to the very end of the turn-off, abruptly cut into the already formed queue, and the driver of the car behind being forced to stop to let the @$$hole thru and thus, backing up the traffic ALL the way to the end of the road.

Geez!! Wat's wrong with these ppl???!!! In such a hurry to take a crap, is it? In such a hurry to give birth, is it? We're all tired at the end of a workday and the majority of us just wanna head home to our families, have dinner, etc. Common courtesy tells us that when there's a queue, u blurdy queue up!! It's so blurdy infuriariting when me and all these other cars are moving patiently at snail's speed in our correct lane when these stupid buggers happily sail along on the right lane and cut into our queue.

GAH!

I always make sure I stick close to the car in front of me so that the stupid bugger who decides to cut in front of me doesn't have any room at all to squeeze his stupid car in.

Grrrrrr!!

Early!! Sshhh!

WOW! I was actually EARLY to work this morning! And with only 4 hours sleep last nite, coz I only got home at 1am from KK.

Phew! :-D

Kota Kinabalu : July 2006 Part 1

First for the people pics :o)

Along the waterfront in KK. We were walking around town to check out wat was happening.

Of course, the visit wouldn't be complete without a pic with the swordfish, hehe. That's Hyatt Regency in the back.

On the way to Kinabalu Park and Poring Hot Springs. That's Mount KK. We're gonna attempt to climb it next year! :o)

The Canopy Walk at Poring Hot Springs. Man, climbing up that hill was already tiring! And it was only abt a 30-min climb! How to manage Mount KK, man?! When 10KM can take up to 6-7 hours?!

After lunch, on the way down from Poring, on the way to Kinabalu Park. The veggies were very fresh and crunchy!

This was the drop-off point/gate where climbers up Mount KK would gather. Really really nice. Can't wait to do the climb!! Hehe :-D

Our 2nd island-hopping stop, Manukan Island. It's too touristy. Damn a lot of ppl!

During our boatride, on our island-hopping 'cruise', hehe... That's Mount KK there...

Our last nite at Gayana. I like the resort. It's small and quiet, and not packed with tourists like Manukan.

Bye bye, Gayana!

Back to the Real World

It was a nice, relaxing holiday... except for the part where we had to chase the ferry, hehe. Weather was nice, a bit rainy and cloudy so it wasn't too scorchingly hot.

Five days later and you've got a couple of tired but happy travelers :o)

On the way back to KK from Gayana

Our souvenirs:

CL : bitten (sandflies), cut (rock), burnt (sun)
ME : bitten (sandflies and FISH!), scratched (CL), burnt (sun)

And tremendous fun was had by all! We're all nice and brown now :-D

And I'm Off!

Five days to put all this madness and nonsense behind me.

Happy working, ppl! :-D

Another Painful Lesson

I have just learnt, yet again, never to use text-ing as a tool to get my message across.

I'd just either (1) call, or (2) say wat I want to say in person.

Unwanted Fuss

Since my Asiaworks post seems to be causing so much unwanted fuss, I've decided to remove it completely.

If you wanted to apologize, just say so directly. A simple "Sorry for pressuring u to [insert activity]. I understand u have ur views and it's ok if u decide not to [insert activity]." Dun have to go all dramatic and say scathing things like "If u dun want to [insert activity], then don't. Forget it. No point. I don't want u to." Even better, just pick up the phone and call. God knows how things get all screwed up and misunderstood in text. Hiding behind the other half and getting him/her to talk on your behalf is not going to make things better.

And u know wat?? I apologize. I apologize for agreeing to go to the event even though I didn't want to. I apologize for trying to release some stress by ranting in my own blog. I apologize for swearing. I apologize for frantically trying to rush up my work the past 2 days just so I could get off by 7pm today to get to ur event. I apologize for ALWAYS "reading too much" into your words, though I was just reading the msgs as how they appeared to me. I apologize for never learning, after all this time, that this is who you are and this is how you'll be always.

I've just about had it. Every time something like this happens, it's always me who's "reading too much" into your words. Or me being too sensitive. Even after telling u that I don't like it when u say things that way to me and to pls tone it down coz u always claimed that u didn't know that I was upset. But hey, why listen to me in the first place? I'm always at fault anyway. But u know wat?? I've finally just realized that it's not ALWAYS my fault.

Reality check. I'm NOT like u. Not all of us are like u. Do NOT expect every one of us to be like u. And do NOT expect everyone to think the same way u do and react the same way u would if u'd had the same things said/done to u. It's rather sad, how u'd apologize humbly to a friend but when it comes to the ppl u're supposed to be closest to, the same humility doesn't apply. All we get is a harsh/scathing "If u dun want, then dun do it/dun go. No point." Or so it seems to me.

See Ya!

Haha... I gave TB a 2-page To-Do list. With lots and lots of white space on the page. And even then, only the 1st page is sorta urgent. And I'm only on leave for 3 days.

He gave me a 5-page To-Do list, each page fully filled up. Almost everything was urgent. He was in Singapore for 4 days.

I'm efficient, hehe.

:-D

A Disability

I just found out how difficult it is to try to speak in Cantonese with my very limited knowledge of the language.

See, I've to call this bunch of customers up to tell them that we're giving them free tickets to this event we're sponsoring in Penang next weekend. Since this is an event with Chinese artistes, naturally the customers we're calling are the Chinese bunch. And me, being the banana that I am, am finding it such a struggle to talk to these ppl in Cantonese and occasionally, Mandarin! Phew!!! It's quite a lot of effort trying to process the words first in English and translating it into Cantonese/Mandarin, and even then, only if I know the word in Cantonese/Mandarin. Needless to say, there were lots of "uums" and "ahs" and "errs"... quite sad, actually.

I give up :o(

Sore eyeball...

Yaawwwnn... O_o

Am so sleepy right now.

My left eye is rather sore right now. Last nite, I think it got an itch attack and I'd rubbed it really hard without realizing (I was out like a log) and sometime during the nite, I woke up with my left eye throbbing and I could barely open it. I woke up and went to wash it but it was so sore and I still couldn't open it. I did the next best thing.

I went back to sleep.

When I woke up, it was still sore and quite swollen but at least, I could open it.

I have a feeling I've scarred it or something. Coz when I move my head in a certain angle but continue looking towards the front, I can see a sort of fold on my eyeball, near my pupil.

O_o Tis not good.

Hope I haven't permanently damaged my eyeball.

Get A Grip Already

When things dun work out the way we want them to, sure, we're entitled to feel sad/ hurt/ discouraged/ [insert your own negative adjective].

But after a certain period of 'mourning', we should get a grip, face the facts, and move on.

Nobody owes you anything. The world certainly doesn't owe you anything. And not everything revolves around you. Stop victimizing yourself coz it's not gonna change what has occurred and it's not healthy to be constantly moping over what could have been, as much as we all like to do so.

I dun understand why some people act like others owe them an explanation on why they act a certain way or do things a certain way. I've said this over and over again... I would've thought that each of us have already enuf to deal with in our own lives than bother abt others, especially when the matter at hand is none of our concern.

So... enuf already.

Get a grip.

Move on.

Not everything is a drama; not everything is about YOU.

Friends...

Meeooww... can we be friends???

Moo-Cat

I have a veggie cat :-p

Mmmppffff... munch munch, munch munch...

Yum yummm... I lurve me veggies!!

I Suck :o(

Yeecckk...

Made 2 major boo-boos at work this week. One was major enough that it made the VP look bad in front of the media. ACK! *strangle self* Luckily we managed to do some damage control but not enuf to get off the hook from a good "reprimand", on my boss' part, that is. I just hope and pray that this is all part of the learning curve which will eventually die off on its own when I finally get the hang of things. Just hope it doesn't take too long coz I dun think I can take anymore heart-stopping moments, especially in front of celebrities and the press.

My job requires a lot of talking and cajoling to get things done. These days, I'm getting tired of hearing my own voice. Everything is a rush job... and I keep repeating myself to ppl "So sorry yah, but we gotta get this done/approved/release a.s.a.p. Pls pls pls pls pls help me get this done soon, ya. Tolong ya" Ssssshhhhh... I dun wanna hear myself talk anymore!!!

**********

We did improvisation in Odissi today.

And I realized, AGAIN, that I suck at being creative!

See, I get stressed when I dun have structure, or at least a framework to work on. So when someone tells me "Here, I'm gonna put on this piece of music, u're going to use this particular hand movement. I dun care how you move but using just this hand movement, I want u to just get from one side of the room to the other", I just go *blink blink* Huh??? Aiyoh!

I think too much. Everything is analyzed and re-analyzed again. So when I have to just come up with things (like dance movements) on the fly, I go BLANK *goggle eyes* How lar, like this?!! :o(

Actually, improvisation is rather fun, after I got a hang of it and make extra extra effort not to be self-conscious and to NOT think about ppl watching me. I can just go into my own world and go on and on but unfortunately, improvisation doesn't mean sinking into my own world.

No no... improvisation means we gotta be MORE alert to the other dancers around us, not by looking at them directly, but by FEELING their energy and movements and either (a) blending with them, or (b) contrasting with them. Aiyoh!!! Sooooo difficult!! *smacking self in the head*

Sigh... oh well... can't have everything can I? Gimme form and structure anytime.

Genting : 1st July

Was up in Genting last weekend for this concert. Not to watch it but to make sure the setup of the banners, buntings, and booths were completed and ok, as we were one of the sponsors of the event.

Now, Genting is one of my least favorite places to be, given that:

1. It's always crowded - it's always so darn packed and I always wonder WHY do ppl choose to go there.
2. The ppl who go there are not the type of ppl I'd like to hang out with (if this sounds arrogant, too bad).
3. There's absolutely nothing to do there coz (a) I dun gamble, (b) I dun fancy the theme park, (c) I dun like the cold.
4. Every time I have had to go there and stay overnite (they were all due to some commitment or other, never pleasure), the ONLY hotel available would be First World Hotel and it SUCKS big time!!!

So anyway, I had to go there the past weekend for work so not that I had much choice. At least my accommodation is being paid for (at least, I'm hoping to be able to claim it).

We arrived at the hotel at around 2.30pm. When we got to the lobby, this is the first thing we see:

Not only was the placed PACKED, it had 30 counters and a ticketing system to serve customers!! I felt like I was at a bus or train terminal rather than a hotel lobby! Never ever have I come across a ticketing system (same as those at banks) at a hotel before.

Anyway, after getting over the initial shock, I went to get my ticket. GAH! They were currently serving no. 776. My ticket no.?? 978!!! Good Lord!!! There were 200+ ppl ahead of me!

After waiting for about an hour, my turn finally came. If there's one thing good I can say abt First World Hotel, they're quite efficient when it came to registering guests. The rate the customers were being served was actually quite fast.

My next gripe??? The room. Not exactly about the facilities in it...well, for RM191 per nite, I'd expected more but seeing that they're supposed to be catering to the casino crowd where ppl would be expected to spend most (if not all) their time at the casino, it had the bare essentials. Oh, but the walls were sooooo thin! The ringing of the bell from the room next door sounded like it was the bell for our room. The noise from the rambunctious kids next door sounded like they were in our room itself and the pipes! Oh my gawd! Each time the next door shower was turned on of the toilet was flushed, this gawd-awfully loud roar could be hear and the first time, it scared the shit out of me, man!!!!! I was like, "Wat the hell was that?!" Sounded like the building was gonna collapse or something!

So anyway, got our room settled and I went off to get my work done. It was quite cold there, and it didn't help that I'd caught a cold the day before and it seemed to be getting worse the longer I'd spent outside in the cold at Genting. But no choice coz I had to be outside to get my work done.

Seeing that it was quite cold, I noticed that quite a number of girls didn't seem to mind the cold at all. While I was shivering in my cargos and T-shirt + sweater, many girls were dressed in sleeveless tops and short skirts. Heck, how about a spaghetti top and short shorts, like this one?

Brrrrrr... I salute these girls, man!!! So cold also can tahan wearing so little clothes! Oh, and I also saw this really cute pic...

The security personnel going thru their drill before the concert... human, human, human, dog, human, human... see the sniffer dog's butt sticking out there?? He even stands to attention when they do! Sooo adorable!!

Once I'd gotten my work settled, we headed off for dinner and back to the room to rest. By then, my body felt like it had been run over by a steamroller. Oww! But I had to go attend the post-concert party at 11pm, at least just to show face even if I didn't stay there for the entire party.

So at 11pm, I painfully got outta bed and headed over to the other hotel where the party was gonna be held. It was more of a makan session than a full-out party lar. I think most of the ppl were glad and relieved that the event was over and completed. Went in, got a drink, chatted a bit, then headed off. As I was leaving, the artiste was heading into the cafe. And these bunch of teen girls were sorta crowding around trying to touch/take pics of him. Fortunately for me, I wasn't a fan so I was more concerned abt getting out of the place in one piece.

The next day, we went for the complimentary breakfast. Boy, if u wanna know wat it feels like to be in a herd of cattle, try going for First World Hotel's complimentary buffet breakfast during a weekend. Really... I can't describe it sufficiently in words. U have to go experience it for urself.

After checking out, we headed over to the theme park again so I could make sure that our booths were set up and were being managed before we left Genting. It was quite misty that morning...

And we also managed to take a few corny pics. U know, the type that couples snap of themselves by holding the camera at arm's length? Yeah, I was thinking "Oh, wat the hell! Since we're already here, might as well" Hahah...

Oh, those singing bears behing us were supposed to be in the pic too... to complete the whole corny pic look... but I guess they couldn't fit in *snicker snicker* :p

On our way to breakfast, CL remarked:

Him : Hmm, this seems to be quite a couples place *watching a couple holding hands walking pass*
Me : Umm, aren't we one of those couples too?
Him : But u're here for work.
Me : That's true... but but, remember we were thinking of going away for a weekend and we'd considered Genting then??
Him : O_o

And that concluded our weekend getaway to Genting.

Oh, and I'm still sick... so am off work today *cough cough*