The Magic is Gone
So yes, yet again, we were expected to dump everything in our lives and run to them at their beck and call at the last minute. I absolutely detest being informed about last minute decisions and then expected to have everything all ready and nice and pretty. If I were a rich tai tai who has nothing to do the entire day, then it's a different story altogether. If I were that, you want me to fly to the moon today also can. But unfortunately, I, and a lot of others, have to work to pay the bills and our time is not as flexible as we'd like it to be.
This is beginning to feel like a chore. The constant reprimands and preferential treatment of some is making me feel quite weary and some days, I feel it's just not worth it. It's not like I'm not working as hard as the others nor is it because I'm not making the effort to make it to all of their sessions. I really am trying my best and I have made it to ALL their sessions thus far. This is like, my best record so far. Sorry lar, I'm a working adult, not like the stars there who are still in school and can skip their classes whenever they want. If I were younger (i.e. still in primary or secondary school, or even college), I'd mentally smack myself and tell myself to just stop whining and suck it up coz it builds character. But I'm almost middle-aged now... I've gone past those days when I was a wide-eyed kid absorbing everything that's thrown my way.
I think the magic is dying (or maybe it's already dead). I hardly enjoy it these days. And observing the way things work there, some of it just puts me off. I don't mind being pushed to the limit just to see how far I can go nor do I mind the scoldings when I deserve it, but when I rush there after a hard day's work, try my best to do what's expected of me, and then have to put up with all that crap, I really just feel like chucking it all out the window and quitting once and for all.
So I dunno... maybe I should start looking for another hobby. Something that doesn't give me that much stress when I'm supposed to be doing something that I enjoy.
I'm starting Pilates soon, under my former ballet teacher :-) I was under her tutelage when I was 10 (yes, I was a late starter!), all the way till I was 16. I can't wait to start!
This is beginning to feel like a chore. The constant reprimands and preferential treatment of some is making me feel quite weary and some days, I feel it's just not worth it. It's not like I'm not working as hard as the others nor is it because I'm not making the effort to make it to all of their sessions. I really am trying my best and I have made it to ALL their sessions thus far. This is like, my best record so far. Sorry lar, I'm a working adult, not like the stars there who are still in school and can skip their classes whenever they want. If I were younger (i.e. still in primary or secondary school, or even college), I'd mentally smack myself and tell myself to just stop whining and suck it up coz it builds character. But I'm almost middle-aged now... I've gone past those days when I was a wide-eyed kid absorbing everything that's thrown my way.
I think the magic is dying (or maybe it's already dead). I hardly enjoy it these days. And observing the way things work there, some of it just puts me off. I don't mind being pushed to the limit just to see how far I can go nor do I mind the scoldings when I deserve it, but when I rush there after a hard day's work, try my best to do what's expected of me, and then have to put up with all that crap, I really just feel like chucking it all out the window and quitting once and for all.
So I dunno... maybe I should start looking for another hobby. Something that doesn't give me that much stress when I'm supposed to be doing something that I enjoy.
I'm starting Pilates soon, under my former ballet teacher :-) I was under her tutelage when I was 10 (yes, I was a late starter!), all the way till I was 16. I can't wait to start!
posted by Ai Ling at
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
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